We’ve all experienced that thing where you know you need to DO something (AKA take action)...
And yet… you freeze.
Like totally gutted by inaction.
That whole fight, flight, or freeze response is NO FRIGGIN JOKE.
And, fun fact -- that fight or flight response comes from the oldest parts of our brain.
The part that literally exists for survival. It’s called the reptilian brain.
So think about that… it’s vital right?
But most of us aren’t running away from tigers and shiz anymore… but we’re still super reliant on that in our decision making process.
And sometimes… that suuucks. LOL
Because when you freeze, you get eaten…. alive by missed opportunities. LOL
Basically, inaction just ends up keeping you from reaching all those goals you’ve set for yourself...
From realizing your dreams…
From fulfilling your potential…
UGH, please don’t tell my mom she was right, LOL.
I’d never heard the end of it -- LOL.
And quick PS for ya… this is a judgement free zone.
I mean, I’ve totally been guilty of freezing when I didn’t know what to do.
It happens to ALLLL of us from time to time.
But here’s the truth you gotta know.
We never really do things without a REASON.
Even if we’re totally unaware of it.
That’s because all actions and inactions – and therefore results – are ultimately based on our FEELINGS.
And feelings are based on our THOUGHTS.
When I discovered this, it was a total mind-melting moment.
Like *kablooey*.
But it makes sense, right?
Literally NO ONE wants to feel bad.
And we can actually make ourselves feel bad… in our own freaking head!
The good thing is… you can actually train yourself out of this.
That’s what makes the CTFAR self-coaching model so powerful.
CTFAR comes from the brilliant mind of Brook Castillo and The Life Coach School.
I trained with her years ago when I first became a life coach and seriously… it’s influenced SOOOO much of how I live my life.
It’s the literal blueprint on how to change your future by connecting your emotions to actions.
So let me explain what the CTFAR Method is real quick.
C stands for Circumstance.
Circumstances are things that happen in your life. They’re not good or bad. They just ARE.
- I had a baby.
- My computer crashed.
- My plane is delayed.
Stuff like that… just circumstances.
T is for Thoughts.
This is what goes on in your brain about the circumstance.
F is for Feelings.
The emotional reactions you have about the thought.
That’s the big sticking point here -- you have feelings based on thoughts. NOT on circumstances.
A is for Actions -- which are the direct result of how you feel… which, again, is a direct result of your THOUGHTS.
I bet you’re starting to see the pattern.
And then R is Results.
AKA the outcome at the bottom of the chain.
So what does this mean?
If you wanna change your results, you gotta start wayyyy higher up the chain.
Circumstances you can’t always change.
But you CAN change your thoughts… and then your associated feelings and actions… to get to a new result.
I’ll give you an example of this here in a minute.
What makes the CFTAR Model so revolutionary is that you can train your brain.
This is life-changing shiz.
Because it works… every.single.time.
I bet if you were able to take an unbiased inventory of what goes on in your mind, you’d probably be a little freaked out.
Like, whoa, why is it so dark and negative in here? LOL
But before you pause this episode to dial up your therapist, you gotta know a few brain facts.
We generate about 60,000 thoughts a day.
Experts say 80% of them are negative. And 95% are repetitive.
Yikes. LOL
So think about that.
Without being aware of it, your thoughts are telling you bad things over and over again -- pretty much all day, every day.
The secret to breaking out of this repetitive cycle of negative thoughts is… observing your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
With the end result being that you’ll achieve what you want in life.
Simple enough, right?
And while I could go on and on about this topic -- I really am that obsessed with it -- today, we’re gonna zip past Circumstances and Thoughts and go right to the connection between Feelings and Actions… and how they lead to Results.
Because really, it's our feelings that control us.
They lead directly into Action.
And that’s where the magic happens.
Most of us literally don’t know how to identify our feelings… let alone express them well.
In terms of the Model though, you don’t need years of navel-gazing psychotherapy to flip your thinking and change the resulting feelings.
You just need to practice feeling.
I know that sounds weird, but when you practice “listening” to your thoughts and how you FEEL about them, you become conscious enough that you can come up with an action plan for change.
I’ll give you an example that I think will show you how it usually goes… and then how to break it apart into the 5 components.
The story goes… “I haven’t been in a relationship for more than six months. Clearly I pick bad partners. I’m terrified I’m going to be alone forever. Probably eaten by cats.” LOL
And the outcome is… well, you either stay in the same circumstance -- being alone.
Or you get an outcome you don’t like… like one crappy relationship after another.
But with a conscious shift in critical thinking… and new actions… it’s actually doable to get a different result.
At the simplest level, transforming your thoughts (and therefore your actions and results) is really about erasing the old tapes in your mind and recording new ones.
Friends, this takes work. And BTW, there are zero guarantees about massive shifts happening overnight.
It takes time… effort… and getting comfortable being uncomfortable.
Here’s how to apply the Model:
- Learn how to identify what exactly the “bad” feeling is: anxiety, fear, loneliness, inadequacy. Google it if you have to. LOL You’ll find a bazillion lists with nuanced words to help you get clear on how you feel.
- Once you’ve done that, identify the connecting thought and then the circumstance that’s generating the feeling.
- Practice communicating the feeling with the right words. Writing it down really helps. Speaking it aloud to others helps more.
Okay. So now you’ve done the hard, painful part of getting super clear on your feelings and WHY you feel the way you do....
Let’s take ACTION.
You can literally choose new Thoughts and/or Feelings once you become conscious of the chain.
This is honestly the most empowering part of the CTFAR process, if ya ask me.
So, back to our eaten by cats example, LOL.
The circumstance is: I haven’t been in a relationship for more than six months.
The thought is: I pick bad partners. I’ll be alone forever. And the whole being gnawed on by cats thing. LOL
The feeling is: Terrified. Sad. Hopeless.
The action is: Choose people who are bad for me. Or sit alone at home.
And the result is: A continued loop of broken relationships and unhappiness.
Ok, so let’s flip the script here.
Circumstance is the same… Haven’t been in a relationship for more than six months.
But your new conscious Thought is... I can find the right person for me by making mindful shifts in my approach.
The new conscious Feeling becomes... Hope. Confidence.
And from there, the new Action might be: Find different ways to meet people.
See how the outcome can completely change this way?
It may not happen right the first time… but either way, you ARE making progress. Trial and error. Just don’t give up.
Another path… a better path actually… is to ask for help.
That’s honestly the fastest way to apply the CTFAR method and get where you want to go.
Which you can totally find in my Habit Hackers community.
It’s a weekly coaching program for entrepreneurs, creative professionals, and badass go-getters who want to:
- Level up productivity...
- Optimize their health and nutrition, and…
- Get a super effective stress management approach for a more holistic way of being.
AND -- not only do you get weekly group coaching, you also receive a monthly magazine filled with biz tips, life hacks, challenges, and yep -- delicious recipes.
And right now, when you choose the ANNUAL membership, not only do you get two months free…
I’m also gifting you my online course: Consciously Creating Your Life & Biz. Which helps you walk through this CTFAR process… in your OWN life. It’s a nearly $800 value.
ANd you’ll get it for free when you become a Habit Hacker.
Because you can’t be a badass with bad habits. #facts
So by going to that link, you’re raising your hand to ask for help.
I really wanna help you make some new choices so you can see the results you want… by applying the CTFAR method with a group of other people just like you.
And yes, as always, I’ll throw the link in the show notes and this week’s newsletter for ya.
If there are areas in your life where you feel stuck… or in this crazy loop of unhappy outcomes… you have all the power you need inside of you.
And with that… I’m out.
I feel like I need a mic to drop. LOL
Have a great week… and I’ll see ya online.